Switching Roles as a Bedside Nurse
Switching Roles Within Nursing
When you were in nursing school did you have a plan in mind for after graduation? Maybe you had an idea in your mind about L&D, or maybe ER, or maybe orthopedics? Whatever the case may be, is nursing panning out to be what you expected? Or worse? Do you feel like you have lost a sense of who you are and what you like to do? You have no time for friends or family, and the time you do have all you want to do is lay in bed and recover from the exhausting shifts you work? Are you exhausted from working night shift because there is no ‘open spots’ for day shift? I felt the same feelings when I started my nursing career. It became unbearable, I didn’t even like myself anymore. After years of feeling miserable I finally decided to do something about it. I didn’t know where to start or how to go about making the necessary changes, but by golly I got there! Read on to figure out how you can take those same steps for yourself!
How It All Started
In 2019 I started in the Medical ICU as a new graduate nurse. I came in with so much tenacity and heart, I was going to help save lives and be a part of an amazing team of nurses… I had this bulletproof plan of working in an ICU for a number of years and then going to CRNA school. These feelings were short-lived. While I did love my team of coworkers, I struggled with the work. It's a lot for a freshly 22 year old to cope with the stressors of ICU work. I found my ways to cope, bar nights with my crew after a long stretch of twelve hour shifts. It all worked for the moment, but eventually, I would have nights by myself at home. Confronting the painful emotions in an already exhausted state of mind is difficult, then COVID hit. I was a year in as an ICU nurse taking care of the sickest patients.
After about another year of taking care of COVID patients, I started getting the itch for a change. Maybe I was in the wrong ICU specialty? The extent of trauma and exhaustion from taking care of COVID patients maybe was why I wasn’t ‘loving’ the ICU anymore. I decided to start travel nursing and branch out to other areas. Maybe then I’ll find my niche and spark my passion for intensive care once again.
Instead of listening to my gut feeling, I continued on from ICU to ICU around the country. I continued to put my self worth, mental, and physical health to the side. I was working nights (sometimes days AND nights) while maintaining 36-48 hour weeks. The money was great but definitely was not worth the destruction of my body. To this day I feel like I am still recovering from three long years of spreading myself thin. I was in denial about my situation. I didn’t want to accept that ICU was not fit for ME. Not the other way around. In my current state of mind leaving ICU was not an option, that would mean failure.
My second travel nurse contract was a Neuro ICU. Neuro units are never my first choice, but at this point, I was throwing paint at the wall to see what sticks. The contract was located in New Orleans, and I hit my new low on this contract. The entire area is unsafe, I was working nights in a specialty that did not resonate with me, and my coworkers were catty. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. The hospital ended up cutting my pay in half, this was my way out and onto a new contract.
My third contract was a burn ICU in Denver, CO. My coworkers in the burn ICU were AMAZING. I loved the atmosphere and the people. The burn ICU was a nice change of pace from heavy medical or neuro ICU patients. However, the hospital was HCA and extremely tight on budget. I was always tripled with patients. Sometimes the unit would only have two nurses and no charge nurse. The nursing manager would check on us periodically. Most of my work trauma was from the treatment from supervisors/management and overall lack of empathy towards staff. Everyone turned bitter toward each other. It was an eat-your-young environment and travel nurses were the enemy for making more money. After every shift I cried on my way home. I wasn’t able to be the type of nurse I wanted to be for my patients. Patients were not getting the treatment they deserved because staff was stretched so thin. I started floating to the trauma ICU every shift, COVID patients were ramping up again. I would be tripled with three very sick COVID ICU patients, when I would ask staff for help I would be told ‘I’m clean, I can't go into that room’. I miss Denver city life, but the hospital was absolutely disastrous.
My final contract was in New Hampshire. There were bad and good things about this hospital, but I was too broken to appreciate any of the good. The hospital staff was just as bitter as the HCA staff, travelers were the immediate scapegoat for their pent up emotions from the last couple of years. The amount of anxiety I had going into each shift was crippling, but at a certain point, I got used to all of the stress without realizing how shitty I feel day in and day out. My health was deteriorating. I gained thirty pounds, I was getting mouth sores, and on my off days from work my body did not want to move. I laid in bed for as long as I could before all of my joints were painful from being so stiff. When panic attacks before and after work began to happen I finally made the first decision for myself in a long time, I told my recruiter I was cutting my contract early. I put in my resignation notice and left in two weeks.
Starting To Figure It All Out
I am forever grateful for the knowledge base I have in multiple different specialties. I did gain some great skills, but at what cost? I was left a shell of a person. March 2022 I decided I needed to take some time off and figure my life out, but I didn’t even know where to begin or HOW to help myself. The thought of going back to ICU really scared me, instinctively that was not a sustainable option. Why was it so hard for me to let go though? This dream I had for so long was shattered and gone. I decided to get a part time job in out patient PACU. This job change gave me the time and space to think over things. I realized that I didn’t like the person I was becoming when working in the ICU. My anxiety and depression reached new highs, I was bitter, and felt like I was in a hamster wheel. Being in the PACU I realized I don't have to leave my shifts exhausted, frustrated, or devastated. I could have good days at work and trust my coworkers. I enjoyed the new pace, but I was missing a little more hustle and bustle. I approached my director about cross-training in OR and she encouraged me to apply for their hospital perioperative program. Switching to the OR was the best decision I have ever made and I wonder, why didn’t I do this sooner?! I spent all those years struggling to keep my head above water when I could have loved what I was doing all along! I have more say over my hours, I don't have to take calls, or work weekends/holidays. Im not completely exhausted after every shift. I absolutely love being home to have dinner with my spouse and enjoy my afternoon!
This switch in roles has also allowed me to work on myself as a person. I finally have hobbies outside of work! I am a better nurse because I am able to be myself outside of work. Not the zombie, shell of a person that I was. So why did that little voice in my head keep me from making a decision that would actually BENEFIT me? The whole point of this article is to help other nurses that may be feeling stuck. I have thought over, analyzed, and pinpointed every step it took to get where I am today to help nurses do the same but FASTER! I never want anyone to feel the way I did for how long I did. Not only am I drawing from personal experience, but there are real evidence-based practices in this process that shows how people can become faster decision-makers! Quicker, better life decisions. The more you practice these habits, the better you’ll become at optimizing your life and curating your career exactly how you want. Instead of feeling like you are self-sacrificing for a job that you dread going to.
Steps To Make Your Job Work For You
Step one is just recognizing that there is no longer enjoyment in your current role. Start thinking about why the job gives you feelings of burnout, stress, anxiety, etc. There are no wrong answers here! Put yourself first for once. Employers, coworkers, home life what about your current situation is not desirable for you? While going through this thought experiment, it's important not to focus on labels. Sometimes people (including myself) get trapped with the ‘grass is greener’ outlook. “Oh if I could just work X job and make X amount of money my life would be better!” from reading my experiences earlier, taking a job solely because it's more money does not mean it's always the right answer for you and your family. At the core, what truly will make you happy and fuel your fire?
Take yourself back to the basics. Write out a pros and cons list/strengths and weaknesses! It helps to see things written on paper to get a general direction or to figure out what is right for you! When I knew I was done with ICU, one of the first things I did was write out what was most important to me. What my non-negotiables were so I could figure out which specialty would work best for my family and me.
I cannot stress enough how valuable time blocking is in everyday life. When I learned what time blocking was, I was upset that I didn’t understand it sooner. I use google calendar (a free-to-use tool) to create my schedule and literally type out when I will do something. For example, I will set aside at least 20 minutes of dedicated time a day for blog writing. I will block it out on google calendar so I know that is specifically for writing and nothing else. Start time blocking in your calendar and after a few weeks go back and see what you spend most of your time doing. Reflect on if your current lifestyle and work aligns with your goals and values. If there is something lacking in your life, what needs attention first to make a change that is more align with your aspirations? This is where you can overlap your pros/cons list and schedule to analyze what first steps are to making a change.
Before getting crazy and signing up for university classes again, try the above three steps for a couple of weeks. After a couple of weeks take a few moments to analyze your daily habits. Is what you are doing currently aligning with your values and goals? What areas could be improved upon? What is working for you and how can you continue to use that to your advantage? All of these answers will be very telling to you and help pivot in the direction that is best for you are your family! Optimizing your life and time will give you the satisfaction you seek in your career.
My journey as a nurse hasn’t been an easy one. It has been filled with ups and downs and a lot of self-reflection. However, I know many other nurses must be feeling the same way. Exhausted, overworked, underpaid, and incredibly undervalued. It has been difficult coping with the past, and much of my time has been spent on trial and error to figure out the best path forward for me. Recognizing the signs of burnout and taking the time to evaluate priorities can help you to start taking the steps needed for a change. Many successful people take the actions above to make more decisive decisions more quickly. Your career should add value to your life and help you reclaim your identity outside of work! Not burden you to the point it affects your mental, physical, and emotional health. Remember, it is never too late to make a change and pursue a career that works for you!
